Understanding Codependency: Beyond "Being Dependent"

Kaitlyn McLaughlin, LPC, CPCS
20 hours ago
3 min read

Codependency is one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot in conversations about relationships, but it’s often misunderstood. Many people think it simply means “being dependent” on someone else — emotionally, financially, or practically. But from a mental health framework, codependency is much more complex and deeply rooted in patterns of self-worth, control, and emotional regulation.

What is Codependency?

Codependency describes a pattern of behavior where someone’s sense of identity and self-worth becomes intertwined with taking care of, rescuing, or managing others — often at the expense of their own needs. It can develop in families or environments where emotional needs weren’t consistently met, or where there was addiction, mental illness, or emotional neglect.

At its core, codependency is an over-functioning in relationships — trying to keep things together, fix others, or earn love through sacrifice. The underlying belief is often: “If I can make this person okay, then I’ll be okay.”

How to Recognize Codependent Patterns

Codependency can show up differently for everyone, but here are some common signs:

You feel responsible for other people’s emotions or behaviors.
You have difficulty identifying or expressing your own needs.
You prioritize others’ well-being over your own, even when it hurts you.
You fear rejection or abandonment if you stop helping or giving.
You struggle to set or maintain boundaries.
You feel anxious, guilty, or empty when you’re not “needed.”
You often find yourself in relationships where you’re the caretaker or rescuer.

It’s not about being “too nice” or “too caring” — it’s about losing your sense of self in the process.

Common Misconceptions

Myth 1: Codependency just means being dependent on someone.

Truth: Healthy dependency — needing others and allowing yourself to be supported — is normal and essential. Codependency, however, involves losing yourself in others’ needs and deriving your worth from being indispensable.

Myth 2: Codependency only happens in romantic relationships.

Truth: It can show up anywhere — with friends, family, coworkers, or even clients. It’s about relational patterns, not relationship type.

Myth 3: Codependent people are weak.

Truth: Many codependent individuals are incredibly strong, capable, and empathetic. These traits often developed as survival mechanisms in challenging environments.

The Path to Recovery

Recovery from codependency isn’t about becoming detached or self-centered — it’s about developing healthy interdependence. That means learning to:

Recognize and meet your own emotional needs.
Set and hold boundaries with compassion.
Tolerate others’ discomfort without taking responsibility for it.
Develop self-esteem that isn’t based on caretaking.
Ask for and receive help.

Therapy can be particularly helpful, especially approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Inner Child Work, or Family Systems Therapy, which explore underlying beliefs and relational patterns.

Practical Steps to Begin Healing

Pause before rescuing. When you feel the urge to fix or help, ask: “Is this mine to carry?”
Start naming your needs. Practice identifying small desires and boundaries each day.
Cultivate self-compassion. Codependency often stems from shame; self-kindness is a powerful antidote.
Learn to sit with discomfort. Healing means letting go of control — and that’s uncomfortable, but necessary.

Recommended Resources

📘 Books:
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
- Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody
- The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie (daily meditations)
💬 Support Groups:
- Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) — a 12-step recovery program focused on healthy relationships.
- Al-Anon Family Groups — for those affected by someone else’s substance use.
🎧 Podcasts:
- The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast (Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby)
- The Adult Chair (Michelle Chalfant)
🌿 Therapeutic Support:
- Working with a licensed therapist — especially one familiar with family-of-origin and attachment work — can help you identify where codependent patterns started and how to shift them.

How TheraRise Counseling & Consulting Can Help

At TheraRise Counseling & Consulting, our clinicians understand that codependency often begins as a way to survive — to feel safe, loved, or worthy. We help clients untangle these learned patterns and build new ways of relating that honor both self and others. Through evidence-based approaches and compassionate guidance, we support individuals in developing healthy boundaries, self-trust, and emotional freedom.

If you recognize yourself in this article and are ready to start your healing journey, reach out to our team today. You don’t have to keep losing yourself in others — you can rise, reclaim, and reconnect with you.

👉 Contact TheraRise Counseling & Consulting or visit therariseatl.com to learn more.